Real talk

I laugh a lot. Mostly to myself... But even if you knew me you wouldn't understand me. You wouldn't understand why I laugh. But if you really knew me, you would know that I'm writing this for you and I'm reading this to you... Because you dear, are the only one that matters and only to you. Let me be the one to tell you that no body cares what you've got to say because if you really knew me, you would know I'm a hider. And that I'm honest to the point of hurt and sometimes I hate it I feel like it's a curse. But please, just get ready to be thrown down and know that now isn't the only time they make you hate your life so... FOR YOU: take a leap. Don't let the cold bother you. It's only the wind of your insecurities. Insecurities are just one part of the picture which is me. Without them, my picture is incomplete and thus, less beautiful. If you really knew me, you would know that I'm the most insecure person on this planet. And I hate meeting new people because to me I'm not so sure... My mom did things for me though... Things I couldn't do. She told me not to hide me because I'm not meant to hide... So please for you, don't hide you...  I know this is a game with players and losers... If this is a game if this is the biggest game then bring out your pride. But if you're a player or if you're a loser then be that. Don't change that. A rude you is better than no you because I know since I'm SO TRUE. I'll just be here to tell you that love, we don't need to hide. We can still be nice and play and speak our mind. Stop worrying. Never need to hate. Sweetheart, take your heart off of your sleeve. I'm done hearing that you wear your heart, emotions and whole life on your sleeve. If you really knew me, you would know I adore a confident lover because that's not me... I'm still scared to say hello and don't know what a conversation is. Not with a stranger. And if you really knew me... You would know that coming to Paris changed me. She gave me a rope to pull myself out of this hurricane and watch my insecurities go. Down. Down where I was drowning. Down where I was hiding. Now love, I don't know where you are but please look in a mirror... Tell yourself you're beautiful. Love yourself, you're beautiful... Love yourself. Be you, because you.. Are the only one who cares enough about you to love you. For you, be you. Keep on laughing, kiddo.  

Paris, don't go...</3

At first I was a little bit nervous to come to Paris... I thought it would be like owning a dog; give the dog a bone and he will finish it off. 

I thought paris was the dog whimpering for love so I could pet it. I thought the dog would eat sleep and poop, especially when it was scared, sharing something in front of it's friends.

But I never thought Paris could take me on long, peaceful walks that let me watch the sun set. I never imagined Paris would let me tell him about my bad day and respond with a loving lick on my cheek. I didn't think Paris could be a puppy forever, she never got old or slow. All of the barking when someone came to the door. Or the other puppies I got to meet. They were all such beautiful animals and Paris let me be one too... Paris showed me how to live. That chasing a bird was fun, not embarrassing. That whining to be let out for a potty break was normal... That, there's always more to learn, and it's always about me. No... It's about everyone but that I should be me... Paris is my best friend. My love. My life. My home... Paris made me. Paris freed my soul.

Utah PTA Reflections Contest

This should be fun and exciting! It was a little bit of a pain, but it's my first contest! Maybe something will come out of it, maybe not!:)

Love. Life. Answers.

Letters to write. Keep people alive.

Open when: you're feeling sad.

Open when: you need to remember why I love you.

Open when: you can't stop laughing.

Open when: you're need to make someone smile.

Open when: you need an idea for a fancy date.

Open when: you get your first kiss.

Open when: you're engaged.

Open when: you have your first baby.

Open when: your daughter has her first heart break.

Open when: school gets hard.

Open when: you find love for yourself.

Open when: your first grandchild is born.

Open when: you have financial distress.

Open when: you miss your mom.

Open when: it's your proudest moment.

-letters to anyone. Make them smile. 

I remember, do you?

I remember playing in irrigation water with my siblings and cousins. 

I remember when my cousins actually talked to me.

I remember in 8th grade, I got called to the principals office for drinking brandy on the play ground. I didn't even know what alcohol was. 

I remember 4 years ago on Christmas Eve when our family present was a baby binky. I didn't want a half sibling: now he's my best friend.

I remember reading a whole series in 45 days. I just read it again. 

I remember driving my parents car to my crush's house before I had my license. I ran out of gas by a gastation where there was a huge crash. There were ony 5 police cars there. And the owner of the pizza place I was sitting in for an hour asked me if I had my license. I lied. A lot. 

I remember watching 3 seasons of gossip girl after I had my wisdom teeth out. I hate drugs.

I remember my cousin finding heroine needles in his dad's room. It was the scariest thing I've experienced. 

I remember trying love. And I remember the first time I actually felt it. 

I remember having friends. But I decided to say no to drugs.

I remember December 3, 2009... 

I remember having sleepovers. They're fun until you wake up in the morning and have to choose if you want to stay for two more awkward hours to eat breakfast, or just go home. 

I remember. 

Cherrrs mayyynnn.

A slide to friendship. Try not to look at each other... But I know we will. Third wheelin'. (Hahahah I didn't move these chairs... Racist green men.) Lonely slide... Oh wait. I'm on it. This slut always gets ridden.

Duck. Duck. goose.

Wall Art. Positive Vibes. I was hanging out with an old friend. Tattoos were on our minds and especially hers. She wanted one. But she can't for a month. So instead, we went to someone's house. A birthday party kind of thing. They were all in college and they were somewhat "Special". Actually, from the moment I walked Inside this house, I felt a change in my spirit. From a tired, kinda worried spirit, to a complete And utter feeling of love and welcome. This house was special, and so were the people Inside of it. There was a chiming of beautiful music Inside of my head and it was so pure I wasn't sure if it Was real or not. But sure enough, they were in a band. Their WHOLE SINGLES WARD. Okay, not all of them... But The group of 10 that they hangout with. As I was walking Downstairs, I noticed these walls... They were beautifully wordy... They spoke to me. These walls had so many amazing Things written on them. The guy saw me staring at the walls in awe and asked if I Wanted some markers to draw with. So I did... And this is What I drew... Nothing extreme... But I love bob! This house Was an amazing experience and I'll never forget the vibes or The color of these people's souls. So thank you stranger...