This is about YOU

I was a sad and lonely, very lost and very confused teenager. Many things were going wrong and I wanted it all to disappear. The lying and the stealing. Betrayal and hurting friends. I almost got away with sex and alcohol. With the way you treated me. I stole mascara when I had 6 tubes at home. It was an act. I was your puppet and you pulled my strings. Remember Halloween, 2009? I said I'm done with this. My mom was there and she helped me stand up for myself. The last day of ninth grade when you ruined my white dress. Eggs stuck to my car and fried on the cement of my driveway. When you sneaked in my house at two in the morning. I know what you did. What you did makes me cry. It makes me insecure. It makes me quiver at any touch. When people say it was me, I want to beat the shit out of them. But then I realize; you're the one that did this. The way I had a hundred friends and now I have one. Reasons I go home and punch holes through my walls. When someone tries talking to me and I can't find comfort in it. How I can't go anywhere without someone telling me you're there. They say I shouldn't go because you're there. But I'm sure you didn't tell them the sick thing you did. The you I've been talking about isn't the you this post is about... I got invited to a small self-love and confidence kind of thing. I saw you there. You were in charge. And you told us a story. About your dad. This story wasn't just yours... It was mine, too. The change from sober to the smell of aged grape and strong whiskey. Your voice that gives away the lack of respect you have for him. That rhyme of homeless men with a kick of beat. The way I felt like you really cared. I only write when I'm having the urge to cry or hurt myself. The reason I'm writing this right now... I saw something. One of the two adults that lead me and that I actually enjoy listening to. The awkward way I see into your soul and the attention I give you. It was different without you this year. In that group thing... The one that's meant to help that homeless kid. Help me. I didn't think I was homeless until I made myself click and enroll. This Paris that is changing me internally. So to you... I didn't get it all across. My point being, that is. But one day you might know. You have an impact. #ThankYou